Tattered Couch

Orbiting.  For the last six years, I’ve done spiritual discussion groups with women don’t go to church but want to talk about Christianity. I landed in that space without intention.  Random conversations about faith kept popping into my days.  Seriously.  Random.  On the first day of kindergarten, in line at Loaf ‘n Jug, at the mailbox — people with the same God-hunger kept showing up and orbitting my life.  It wasn’t like, “Hi, I want to talk about God…”  It was more a repetition of the same deeper need —  expressed in different ways and places. I’d hear things like:

• “I don’t know what to tell my kids about God … “ 
•  “My best friend’s boyfriend is beating her … I know you’re a praying person.  Will you pray” 
• “I feel like an empty shell … I don’t belong anywhere … “
• “ I used to go to church until [so-and-so] told me I’m going to hell. Do you think I’m going to hell?”  

Not Church. The conversations usually started because I am seen as a ‘church’ person. Even in the smallest ways, I think most people assume a faith community has some spiritual answers. But overall, “church” wasn’t where they were going to find their answers.  Church was missing the boat. It just didn’t have anything to offer my orbiting friends.  

Often I hear descriptions of church like someone describes elementary school or something like crayons that belong only in your childhood. A lot of my friends think you have to dress up and check your brain at the door before you enter a place of faith. And, sadly, I hear descriptions of church as a toxic place that holds secrets of hidden abuse.  

Engage. In an attempt to put similarly seeking people in the same conversation, I ended up being in small clusters — groups of women talking about faith, outside church.  In living rooms, or out on porches, in several years of weekly meetings, I’ve seen a repeating process of inner discovery. And it always begins with the same thing. Engagement.

Finding your faith, your spirituality, the life within your shell — it always begins with the choice to engage.  No one else makes that choice for you.  It’s yours alone. *

So, how do you begin?  If you are like most of my spiritual friends, you have some things you’d like to ask, to resolve, or pursue.  But it’s hard to know where to start.  We’ll be providing more suggestions along the way.  For now, here’s a quick list (below).  Mull it over. Pick something that suits you.  And consider how to get engage your spirituality. For. Your. Self.

Go ahead. It’ll be worth it.

Begin.

~Kelley

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4 Points of Engagement

Yes. These may seem ridiculously simple.  But, the hardest part is just making the choice not doing the actual behavior.  No matter how simple. Engagement is the choice.

Ask the Big Questions. Ask yourself a big question and start looking for the answer:

• What do I believe about God?
• Why do I love? 
• What motivates me to do what I do?
• What am I searching for?

Time-out Yourself.  Intentionally spend time in nature.  Walk in a park.  Stroll a trail. Observe. Pay attention. Consider the creator behind the creation.

Do 7 Days of Gratitude.   Dig up 3 things a day, for a whole week.  Write them down in a journal.  Think about what you have been given.  Express your gratitude.  Tell someone what you discovered.

Pray.  If you believe there is any aspect of God that can hear what you’re saying, then speak.  Even if you aren’t 100% certain of that idea, it’s worth a try.  It’s like picking up a phone to make a call — there’s and underlying assumption that connection is necessary for relationship.  Sometimes it’s important to start or re-start a conversation.  So go ahead.  Give it a try.  Talk.      

If you pick one place to engage, let us know how it went. We’d love to hear!

* Kelley J. Leigh is an editor and regular writer here at Tattered Couch.